Memoirs of a Lover
by SugarDizz
Summary: When you commit suicide, you leave behind a broken Belphegor, a hurt Fran, and you leave the Varia in turmoil. Takes place in the future. TYL!Varia, TYL!BelxReader, one sided TYL!FranxReader. R&R, please!


"Principessa, open up," Belphegor grumbles, a towel in one hand while the other knocks. When you don't reply, he presses his ear to the door, only to hear running water. Assuming you're showering, Belphegor opens the door slowly and takes a step inside. "Principessa, the Prince is coming for you—" He's cut off by the sight of you bleeding out in his porcelain tub. Your open wrists dangle over the edge of the tub, and there's a bottle of your Prozac rolling on the floor, devoid of any antidepressants. He drops his towel and rushes to your side, grabbing onto your wrist tightly. He flips the knob on the shower, turning it off.

"Oh, Prince," you whisper weakly, giving him a small smile.

"Principessa, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He growls, stepping into the tub and pulling you into his arms. You have been depressed for years now, but Belphegor has always managed to pull you out of whatever hole you got into, and he brings out the best in you. Belphegor doesn't understand why you would do this, and now, of all times. You had been so happy the past few days, too, with getting engaged and all.

"Ne, Prince, you'll be okay without me, right?" You lean back into his body as he rips off his shirt and wraps it around your wrists. "You'll get through this, okay?" You lean upward and struggle to press a soft kiss to his collarbone. He always loves it when you press your lips there.

"Don't you dare die on me, Principessa, or else," he whispers into your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing kisses onto your neck and lips tenderly. "Fran!" He screams at the doorway, knowing the illusionist was in the bedroom.

"What is it, stupid Prince?" He deadpans as he walks to the doorway. His eyes widen when he sees you smiling weakly at him. He rushes to your side and was about to jump into the tub with Belphegor before you stopped him. "[Name]-sempai," he whispers.

"Hey, Fran-chan," you mumble before pulling him in and giving him a light kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I'll be seeing you later."

"Go get Lussuria," Belphegor all but shrieks at him, and Fran gulps before running to find the flamboyant man. "Principessa, don't die," he whispers, tears filling his eyes.

"Prince, you know I love you, right?" You smile, kissing his lips softly. You wrap your cloth-covered hand around his in a last attempt to comfort him, and he laces your fingers together and squeezes. Your engagement ring glimmers in the dim washroom lights and you hear the light scraping of the silver of your ring against his. "Principessa loves the Prince," you whisper again, kissing him once more.

"The Prince already knows. He loves his Principessa, too." His voice trembles as he watches your eyes close, a smile present on your lips as your breath suddenly stops. Belphegor's eyes widen underneath his bangs, and he grabs onto you tightly, letting the tears silently stream down his face. "The Prince loves you, Principessa," he sobs into your neck, presses kisses to your now lukewarm lips. "Principessa," he chokes on a loud sob. "Come back, Principessa."

"Beeeel-kun, Fran came to get me! What is it?" Lussuria squeals, happily skipping his way into Belphegor's washroom, only to stop dead in his tracks when he sees the blood. "What's wrong with [Name]-chan?" He asks with a scared smile plastered over his face. "Why isn't she moving?"

"Lussuria-sempai, she's obviously dead," Fran whispers, his head turned away from the bloody scene.

"Shut up, you stupid frog!" Belphegor screams, hurling a knife at Fran's chest. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Stupid prince," Fran whispers softly as he clenches his hands into fists. "You're not the only one that loved her," Fran chokes out as a single tear makes its way down his cheek. "You were just the only one who had her heart."

"VOI! What's all the fucking commotion?" Squalo shouts, slamming open the door to Belphegor's room. "What're you all doing? Xanxus called a meeting ten minutes ago!" When nobody replies, he storms into the room and right up to Fran and Lussuria, only to take a step back when he sees you with Belphegor's shirt wrapped around your wrists. "She killed herself?" Squalo screeches, storming up to you and slapping you across the face. When your limp body doesn't respond, he slaps you again. He slaps you a few more times before turning to Belphegor and yelling at him. "Why didn't you stop her, brat?" He screams, swinging at Belphegor blindly.

"Don't you think I tried, stupid shark?" Belphegor mumbles as he buries his face into your neck. Your skin was beginning to get cold, and he misses the warmth that you used to provide. "I tried so hard, Principessa," he whispers into your neck. Lussuria has tears freely streaming down his face, while Squalo has his head turned away with a look of pain contorting his face. Fran slides down against the frame of the door, his face buried into his knees as he sobs.

"[Name]-sempai," Fran chokes as his whole body shakes with the force of his sobs. He's never felt such a strong, sharp pain, especially not in his heart before. Not when he was immune to physical pain. Not when you and Belphegor had first started dating, and not when you two had gotten engaged. Now, he will never have a chance to win your heart back. After all, you had liked Fran first; Belphegor just stole your heart before Fran could claim you as his. Fran's lost you forever.

"Principessa," Belphegor is still sobbing, his entire body going cold. He'll never have the chance to spend the rest of his life with you. You two planned out an entire wedding, too, and he suddenly remembers one morning when you were waking up in his arms, and you had given him the most beautiful smile before burying your face into his neck. He, at the time, imagines that you would be there to do that every morning. He took you for granted, and now it was too late to ever show you what you meant to him. He hates himself for that, and wishes that you were still here so that he could change it.

* * *

It's been a week since your suicide. The six members of the Varia, minus you, now gather around a coffin, carrying your dead body. They arranged everything themselves, excluding Levi, who hated you, and Xanxus, who was too drunk. Xanxus had been drinking even more after your death, and was now drunk almost every day. They watch as Lussuria lowers the coffin into the earth, and as the grunts of the Varia shovel dirt into the hole, Belphegor falls to his knees and punches the dirt.

"Principessa!" He screams, clawing at the earth before your grave. There are the tears again; he's been crying on and off this past week.

"[Name]-sempai," Fran whispers under his breath, as if saying your name too loud would cause the world to end. "I love you." He turns around and walks away from your grave, taking his time before arriving at your room. He slowly enters and closes the door behind him, making sure to lock it. Fran breathes in deeply, taking in the floral scent that followed you around every single day. He goes to your closet and opens it, revealing hundreds of articles of clothing, most of which you didn't even wear. He takes out a Varia coat, one of the four you owned. Fran brings it to his nose, breathing in your scent, before shrugging out of his and pulling yours on. It fit perfectly; you two shared a size, which had made it easier for you to borrow clothes from him while you were still alive. He closes the closet doors and makes his way to your vanity. Fran wraps his fingers around one of the many bottles of your perfume, knowing which one it is after spending many mornings watching you get ready. He pockets that, and looks around one last time. Fran suddenly remembers something, and strides over to your bed. Reaching under the mattress, he produces a hardcover, locked diary. He tucks that into one of the inner pockets of the coat and takes his leave.

Belphegor was still on all fours in front of your grave, even after everybody had left. The hole was filled in; you were officially buried. He cries hard, with world-shattering sobs wracking his body. He screams your name over and over again, wishing you were still here. He can't bear to go on without you, not when he has finally found someone who understood and accepted him for everything he was. Belphegor sits there, even after crying till his eyes ran dry. He sits there, and slowly lowers himself into a lying position on his side, and falls asleep. He dreams of you, of your smile, of your beauty, and misses you dearly. He dreams of holding you again, of making love to you, of showing you the entire world. He misses your smile most of all, because your smile made everything right in his fucked up world.

Fran, on the other hand, was now lying in his bed with your diary in his hands. He flips onto his stomach and forces the lock open, starting on the first page. It begins on the first day you had joined Varia, which was a few weeks after they had recruited Fran as the mist guardian. You recount how crazy the organization is, and how screwed up the members truly are. You mention how Belphegor's attractive, but you mainly talk about Fran. You talk about how he makes you laugh, and how you might, just might, be developing a crush on him. He skims through the next few months, as it's just recounts of your days and how you're doing fitting in, but stops when something catches his eye. The page is scribbled and coloured in black, with white spaces left to form words.

"I hate myself," he whispers the words engraved onto the page aloud, an ache in his heart. He has no idea that you were carrying such heavy emotions in your heart. He continues reading.

_"Fran gave me a flower today."_ was the one sentence that was scribbled down onto the page he stopped at, and he smiles briefly, knowing that it had made her happy for a second. He clearly remembers that day; you had been looking blue all day, and he decided to try and make you smile by plucking a flower from the gardens and handing it to you. The smile that found its way to your face made his heart do backflips, and when you leaned in and kissed the corner of his lips, he felt as if he were in heaven.

_"Belphegor kissed me today."_ Fran's eyes narrow as he reads this sentence, clearly upset that Belphegor had been able to steal you away, just when you were warming up to Fran. _"He cornered me in the halls and tilted my chin up, looked me in the eye, and crashed his lips onto mine. I think he's crazy."_ Fran chuckles softly at the last sentence. "He is crazy," he whispers softly. As Fran is flipping through the diary, he notices that it ends off on the day that you killed yourself. You had written one last entry in the diary, and he mentally steels himself for whatever he's about to read.

"_I've decided to do it today: I'm going to commit suicide. Nobody's going to change my mind, not my Prince, not Fran-chan, not anybody. It's too hard to try anymore, and I'm giving up. The Prince made me happy, and I love him for it. He made me the happiest girl alive. But, it's not getting any better, and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Fran's a sweetheart, and I hope he finds a sweet girl to fall in love with. He was my first friend here, and I love him, too. Maybe not in the same way as my Prince, but I still love him. At the beginning, I had fallen for Fran, but the Prince slowly found his way into my heart, and I'm grateful to have been able to find happiness for the briefest time."_

Fran stops to wipe the tears falling from his eyes, trying to keep the pages pristine and clean for whenever he wants to read it again, just to see your handwriting. He reads on.

"_Fran, I know you're reading this now, and if you are, I'm already dead. But, I want you to go into my room and find two letters. One is to you, and one is to Belphegor. Don't throw the Prince's away, please, and just give it to him. I love you."_

"[N-Name]-chan," Fran chokes out, pulling the book to his chest and crying. He lies there for a good few minutes, letting his tears run dry, before going to look for the letters. He hides the diary under his mattress and covers it with an illusion, just to be safe. He's then off to find his letter.

Squalo is currently raiding Xanxus' wine cabinet, looking for the strongest liquor known to man. When he doesn't find what he's looking for, he settles for some scotch and looks for a cup. He fills that with two pieces of ice and pours himself a cup full of scotch. He chugs that down, and seeing how that didn't help, he shoves twenty something pieces of ice into the bottle itself and begins to chug the bottle down, too. Xanxus is already passed out on his bed, quiet for once instead of snoring. There may not be tears staining his pillow, but Xanxus misses your annoying presence, too.

Lussuria cries away his sorrow while eating your favourite ice cream and watching your favourite horror movies, basking in your memory. Levi is silent for once in his entire life, mentally repenting every cruel thing he's ever said to you.

Belphegor is still next to your grave, except he has dragged himself so that he is propped up against the gravestone. Etched into the grey stone are your name, your year of birth, and your year of death. Belphegor takes it upon himself to engrave the words "the Prince's Principessa" into the tombstone as well, despite how out of character that was for him. He gets to work silently.

Fran is the only one doing anything productive. He sits on your bed, crossed legged, and ponders where you might've hidden a letter, especially one to him. He didn't care much for the one addressed to the stupid Prince, but he wants to know what you would have to write to him. Something occurs to him: your favourite number was 666. He turns to your bookshelves and looks for the 6th shelf, the 6th row, and the 6th book in that row, which happens to be _The Virgin Suicides_ by Jeffrey Eugenides. He chuckles at how ironic it is, but continues to flip through the book, only to have two envelopes flutter to the ground. Fran smiles triumphantly and replaces the book on the shelf before picking the letters up, pocketing the one that was addressed to him and holding onto the one for Belphegor tightly in his hand. Fran walks to the storm guardian's room and slips the envelope underneath the doorway before returning to his own room and locking the door once more, settling down into his bed, and opening the envelope carefully. He unfolds the pieces of paper inside, and a few Polaroids fall into his lap. He decides to save them for later and begins to read the letter.

_Fran-chan,_

_I know it may seem hard now, but you're going to get over me. You're going to get through this, and I don't think you're going to be there for the Prince, but please try to be. It would mean everything to me if you helped him._

The letter continues on into detail about your memories with Fran, and how happy Fran had made you. Fran wipes the tears from his eyes as he reads something that shatters his heart.

_You're probably going to hate me for committing suicide for a long time, but if, or when, you do forgive me, I want you to remember all the good memories. Don't try and figure out what went wrong, but be happy that you had something to love for a brief amount of time. I couldn't handle life, but I know you can, and I know you're strong enough to._

_I may sound crazy, but you're going to fall in love again, Fran. You're going to love some other girl, and she's going to make you so happy. She's going to light up your world and make you the happiest man alive, just like the Prince did for me. You can do anything, Fran. I know because I love you._

Fran folds the letter up carefully and places it back into the envelope, and reaches down for the Polaroids. He barely remembers you holding up the Polaroid and taking these photos, but he smiles at how happy you look. He smiles at the photo of you and Fran sharing a small kiss between friends, despite how much more that kiss meant to him. He laughs when he sees a shot of you with cake all over your face and Fran snickering in the background.

You had captured the most wonderful moments of your friendship with him, and he hopes that you could give Belphegor the same closure you had given him.

* * *

**A/N: Excuse my bad use of tenses; I'm still working out the kinks in my writing :$**


End file.
